Since we are in dabang. Its a rare occasion that I come by to have coffee. I will be here for a bit to share a little about things that are up in my chest.
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I don't know if this is the meaning of healing..That is when wherever and whatever you used to treat a certain place or item as a healing & coping mechanism. After some days, you finally tell yourself "Maybe...Maybe I don't need to rely on this anymore...I think I'm healing. I think I'm coping...I think I can face the society without it now.."
But what's worst for me is, it's not the realisation, but it's mistaking your healing/coping space as your interest and as your ideal occupation. Sometimes you are fueled with emotions, you keep doing something to vent and not stress over others and then afterwhile, you mistook it as "You love doing this. You might want to do this more in the future." At this point, because of this..Ha..frankly speaking, I don't have an aspiration anymore. I'm practically on a boat, just rowing in different directions and hope for the best.
That said. I'm not in like a lost situation right now, I'm actually the opposite. I finally start to move...I went on to study something different, in hopes I may find a better job in the future. I start to pick up some skills like driving etc. Is this healing and growing?
Healing as in Moving away from the route I used to go that may not be effective on me anymore. Finally allowing myself to join back to the society without the things that I used for coping?
Growing as in turning my life around and changing the course of my future with my own calls?
Being 22, at this point I have to admit, it was tough. It's probably even tougher then what I have to go through when I was a kid. I was in literally disarray, I couldn't go to university, I couldn't do this do that. I was sinking. I think at one point I sunk, but now as we come to the end of 2021...things are getting better...
I don't need comedic things to keep me happy, I don't need to use social media as my coping mechanisms anymore...I...am...loving myself more now...Is this..growth?
I wonder.
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Anyways, I'm done with my coffee. Felt even better...I will see you all around. Cheers to 2020 too. Ha!