The Sword & The Brocade 锦心似玉 2021

[OsmanthusTea]

16 minutes ago, Funnypeopleswim said:

 

Are you saying there are still some men like this today?

I'm just wondering...Not attacking

 

Yes, there are many.....

[Funnypeopleswim]

@OsmanthusTea @AwkwarDerp

 

My dad is pretty sensitive, and kind of mom-like, my uncles aren't really like as you described. I mean they provide and stuff, but I don't get the sense that they are like this. We do get the typical men sitting at the table while the women care for the food and clean up at a party, but I know they all do housework in the privacy of their own homes. 

 

I guess some traditional arch-types prevail. 

[OsmanthusTea]

@Funnypeopleswim

Well, I have been around....I saw some non Chinese men who have this traits too.....Mostly came from a strong patriarch culture. 

Edited March 26, 2021 by OsmanthusTea

[Funnypeopleswim]

Just now, OsmanthusTea said:

@Funnypeopleswim

I saw some non Chinese men who have this traits too.....Mostly came from a strong patriarch culture. 

 

True my best friend is Portuguese, and I think her dad is like this. 

Although I thought of him more of an exception rather than the rule.

[AwkwarDerp]

14 minutes ago, Funnypeopleswim said:

@OsmanthusTea @AwkwarDerp

 

My dad is pretty sensitive, and kind of mom-like, my uncles aren't really like as you described. I mean they provide and stuff, but I don't get the sense that they are like this. We do get the typical men sitting at the table while the women care for the food and clean up at a party, but I know they all do housework in the privacy of their own homes. 

 

I guess some traditional arch-types prevail. 

First of all, I just want to say I love my dad. 
 

Anyways. To me, my dad can be describe as the traditional father. He believes in the idea that “women have to know how to cook, clean etc” as a man in the house, he shouldn’t be doing any of that. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t, but in the past, my dad’s mind was very narrow, at parties and gathering he’ll make statement like “what’s the point of having daughters if they can’t do stuff like clean and cook” etc. He also provide us, but in a way as here (I give you money, i give you a place to live) so we never get any affection from him, if anything happen, my mom would be the first to blame. He always say he’s the head the household, he shouldn’t be doing anything etc, what are wife for, what are kids for. 
 

Furthermore, my dad’s family does not like my mom (cause before marriage, she wasn’t like “rich) so you can understand the hardship she face with the in-laws, In the past, he’s easily triggered and stuff but nowadays, my mom is trying very hard to shape him and he’s getting much better now. 

 

to me, he’s definitely a very traditional man but now I love him more because he’s becoming more understanding. 

[SnT]

I totally agree with @Funnypeopleswim about houye attitude to all his women rrally escalate the intensity of thrir negative behaviour.

 

It's like argueing chicken first irvegg first. A bit tough. But it is true that he was first and foremost an absent husband. Then when he is home he just expect peace n maybe quietness. So when they dont suit his taste (wen n qin due to their background) n yuanniang due to her not trusting him n her controlling ways, he just avoid them. With tong he think she is scheming w yuanniang. With qiao he finds her repulsive because she keeps throwing herself to him. He just do a very typical man thing - - run away n retrieve to his cave. Ignore them. Pretend like u don see, the prob is not there. The more he avoid them, the more they react.. They r human, not object..all them his wives, i don think just fed them n give them status n protection are enough. I mean he doesnt need to sleep w them if he has no interest in them but at least most of them carry his child n at least he can do is treat them like a friend. Have a chat, drink tea occasionally to find out about their concerns.

 

The drama makes him saintly and and needing warm n love but i do pity the ladies. I say in my post this week, these ladies all took it upon themselves to find that security. N it is very sad. Which women in any era really wish to become a tough cookie or so independent or scheming.. They only do that when they feel like there is no one absolute no one they can depend on or share their burden with them. Very much like shiyi when she first marry houye - no expectations, no care for him or anyone in this household. She just doesn't allow herself to spiral in the negative way. 

 

Out of all this women i don think wen deserve this sort of treatment. He is rather snobbish everytime he says she is to mercenary. He was pretty unkind too when he  says qin is not educated enough to raise jiege. No wonder qin says i m so lowly i don even hv a right ti be a mother. also He should be happy wen is mercenary not end up evil like qiao n qin or tactical like yuanniang. She is a typical modern version of don get the man, don get angry, get the money. N thats when she fall into control of her family. N not once in the drama he was behaving like a father to yuge only until shiyi point out he shoukd talk to the kids more. Her scene in 38 really voice her pain, i get teary for her.Chunge is ur son, yuge is also ur son. In fact i get tesry over all the scenes of confrontation w all the concubines qiao wen qin. N after the burning embroidery scene. Not once they show yuge being comforted. He let a lowly nanny accuse his 10 yo son of scheming sgainst his brother.  He was crying denying no. What a callous father he can be. I hate the scene yuge crying so hard when we know he is such a good boy. He doubt for the moment thete because he just doesn't know the character of his son well as a father. 

Edited March 26, 2021 by SnT

[OsmanthusTea]

@AwkwarDerp

I would say my Dad is quite similar in how the way he treats my Mom but he treats his daughters like princess, he got 3.... We grew up being totally spoiled by Dad until today despite all 3 of us married with kids. He only got one son but just like HouYe, he is very hard toward my Bro. But all of us grew up with total freedom that were handed to us on a silver platter. My parent rarely got involved in our decision making. I remember that when I graduated Junior High and about to enrolled to Senior High, none of my parent sat my down and discussed about which school I wanted. I only informed them the name of the school and Dad gave the cash....The same with college, dating, friends, everything. Well, all of us turned out fine and normal.....

[AwkwarDerp]

Just now, OsmanthusTea said:

@AwkwarDerp

I would say my Dad is quite similar in how the way he treats my Mom but he treats his daughters like princess, he got 3.... We grew up being totally spoiled by Dad until today despite all 3 of us married with kids. He only got one son but just like HouYe, he is very hard toward my Bro. But all of us grew up with total freedom that were handed to us on a silver platter. My parent rarely got involved in our decision making. I remember that when I graduated Junior High and about to enrolled to Senior High, none of my parent sat my down and discussed about which school I wanted. I only informed them the name of the school and Dad gave the cash....The same with college, dating, friends, everything. Well, all of us turned out fine and normal.....

That's good! My father doesn't care about our relationship issues or anything but he's quite helpful when it comes to cash, especially if you don't be calculative with him. Another thing why he doesn't give us affection was because the in-law side (my dad's) and him personally all wanted boys....Instead they got 4 girls, so you can see the disappointment and how it comes to how my mom is being treated, whereas my aunts and uncles all have boys and girls, so even though my dad was the first child in his family but because he didn't have a boy, so all they care now is money so my mom is like my moral support at time, even when my dad constantly telling her things like "oh when you die or anything, I will be the one who will be with you until the end, not the kids, so don't worry about them." which my mom laughed, cause she's like........uh.....i wonder if my dad knows my mom talk bad about him behind his back 

That's why I felt like they were traditional because of the whole "boys over girls" kind of thing. 

[OsmanthusTea]

2 minutes ago, AwkwarDerp said:

 he's quite helpful when it comes to cash

 

That's really typical..... Exactly like my Dad.... In fairness, my Dad's side never have  that traditional thinking about boy vs girl thingy. I have few fabulous aunties, my Dad's sisters.

 

Life is funny sometimes. My parent got 3 girls and 1 boy but their total grandchildren combined are 7 with 6 boys and 1 girl.....

[AwkwarDerp]

8 minutes ago, OsmanthusTea said:

 

That's really typical..... Exactly like my Dad.... In fairness, my Dad's side never have  that traditional thinking about boy vs girl thingy. I have few fabulous aunties, my Dad's sisters.

 

Life is funny sometimes. My parent got 3 girls and 1 boy but their total grandchildren combined are 7 with 6 boys and 1 girl.....

My parent keep telling people that “you know when she was pregnant with her (me) we all thought it was gonna be a boy” sorry to disappoint you guys since birth 

[SnT]

1 hour ago, SnT said:

 

Now we r talking about fathers. How interesting!!! Actually houye wasnt projected as a good father at all to me. Way too strict w chunge n way too u concerning w yuge. Qin lost her baby, he tell her to get on w it. But i m not surprised esp he is traditional noble men. Kids are job of nanny n mother. Women stuffs. 

 

My dad is a very traditional man like what some of u mentioned. What is traditional??? ... He is very good at handking the outside world creating a shield for us. Meaning his business, work, protection to us. He is responsible man. He takes all the stress n hardship of providing for us. Like houye in the show. Mum had to quit her job when she marry him n had us. He wanted a full time wife!!! Take care of household, kids to the tilt. He wanted 3 meals homecook, clean squeaky home n healthy, well brought up kids. He says so loud n clear... Women need to look sfter home, a woman can cook is like a shock to him haha... So my mum was the cook, baker chauffeur to us, carer cum wife n mother. I remembered when he bring us to holiday, my mum need to pack for 5 of us, she need to mstch his clothing from shirt to shoes. Amazing right. She shops for him till now n on any official trips or event she mstch n  lay down what to wear for him. So he just dress up n wait at the door impatiently sometimes and ask why mum is taking so long..uh huh... It may sound like he just need a maid cum nanny. But we know that it is not true.

 

He gives my mum a worry free life till sometimes we get annoyed at her innocence n ignorance.  Haha...everything he owns he put a name of 50% for my mum. So my mum basicalky hv zero savings because whatever he gives her, she end up spending it showing how carefree she is. Traditional man way of showing love is be responsible to ur family n protect them.. N it is true he hardly have time. Much like inner courtyard women, outside mem world system. Btw he is so good to my grandma too till her passing. He never say no to her. N he was good to my mum family too. Everytime her siblings had any issues they will come n talk to him. He still gives my maternal grandma pocket money. 

 

We love our dad. He loves us to bits. He shows his emotion more as he ages. Oh boy!! in his younger days, none of us dare to cross him. His angry face is very very scary. If he get riled up, we all know thats it.  We r in big big trouble.. But i still remember when i was hospitalised because of diarrhea, he end up holding my hand n tell me not to be scare w tears in his eyes. N his fear was so blatant when i had to give birth prematurely. My daughter is like a pearl in his hand, totally spoilt rotten. now that he is much older n much more freely showing his emotion to us. 

 

But this type of man can be harsher on boys. There is a saying raise ur daughter like a princess but raise ur son like a pauper. Thats my dad.  Haha... But when they get to old age they want to stay w son, not daughter. Haha... Because to them thats the way it should be. To me is why cant u stay w me. I would love to hv u. Go figure right. I guess this type is language of love is just pure about doing tasks.. No sweet words, buy gifts, spend time.. But whichever type, a good heart is a must. With a good heart, we hv to accept no one is perfect. We cant hv everything.

 

 

Edited March 26, 2021 by SnT

[AwkwarDerp]

27 minutes ago, SnT said:

Now we r talking about fathers. How interesting!!! Actually houye wasnt projected as a good father at all to me. Way too strict w chunge n way too u concerning w yuge. Qin lost her baby, he tell her to get on w it. But i m not surprised esp he is traditional noble men. Kids are job of nanny n mother. Women stuffs. 

 

My dad is a very traditional man like what some of u mentioned. What is traditional??? ... He is very good at handking the outside world creating a shield for us. Meaning his business, work, protection to us. He is responsible man. He takes all the stress n hardship of providing for us. Like houye in the show. Mum had to quit her job when she marry him n had us. He wanted a full time wife!!! Take care of household, kids to the tilt. He wanted 3 meals homecook, clean squeaky home n healthy, well brought up kids. He says so loud n clear... Women need to look sfter home, a woman can cook is like a shock to him haha... So my mum was the cook, baker chauffeur to us, carer cum wife n mother. I remembered when he bring us to holiday, my mum need to pack for 5 of us, she need to mstch his clothing from shirt to shoes. Amazing right. She shops for him till now n on any official trips or event she mstch n  lay down what to wear for him. So he just dress up n wait at the door impatiently sometimes and ask why mum is taking so long..uh huh... It may sound like he just need a maid cum nanny. But we know that it is not true.

 

He gives my mum a worry free life till sometimes we get annoyed at her innocence n ignorance.  Haha...everything he owns he put a name of 50% for my mum. So my mum basicalky hv zero savings because whatever he gives her, she end up spending it showing how carefree she is. Traditional man way of showing love is be responsible to ur family n protect them.. N it is true he hardly have time. Much like inner courtyard women, outside mem world system. Btw he is so good to my grandma too till her passing. He never say no to her. N he was good to my mum family too. Everytime her siblings had any issues they will come n talk to him. He still gives my maternal grandma pocket money. 

 

We love our dad. He loves us to bits. He shows his emotion more as he ages. Oh boy!! in his younger days, none of us dare to cross him. His angry face is very very scary. If he get riled up, we all know thats it.  We r in big big trouble.. But i still remember when i was hospitalised because of diarrhea, he end up holding my hand n tell me not to be scare w tears in his eyes. N his fear was so blatant when i had to give birth prematurely. My daughter is like a pearl in his hand, totally spoilt rotten. now that he is much older n much more freely showing his emotion to us. 

 

But this type of man can be harsher on boys. There is a saying raise ur daughter like a princess but raise ur son like a pauper. Thats my dad.  Haha... But when they get to old age they want to stay w son, not daughter. Haha... Because to them thats the way it should be. To me is why cant u stay w me. I would love to hv u. Go figure right. I guess this type is language of love is just pure about doing tasks.. No sweet words, buy gifts, spend time.. But whichever type, a good heart is a must. With a good heart, we hv to accept no one is perfect. We cant hv everything.

 

 

Yup, so I agree! Also, very beautiful story! Definitely, the definition of "traditional" can be interpret in a lot of ways. It really depends on our views and how we see things. I interpret the word as how I've seen or witness and heard stories (in Asia, more specifically i'll say Vietnam because I don't want to speak falsely of other country) men are basically essentials while we're not and I think most people definitely see this in our modern society too, where men are valued over women sometimes but now, it's some people think its perfectly normal but how I SEE my mom and us were being treated by the in-laws, people say that's so "traditional", plus I think of it was the "rights" the men think they have and how basically dramas and stories are telling us and stuff. My dad would definitely be tough on his boys (no doubt) but they definitely still want boys for sure, like my grandmother, aunts and stuff. 

 

**Like this is gonna sound super Lianfang/drama-ish, but my dad's in-laws used to make up rumours to hopefully separate my parents so my dad can get another wife that will give him a son because they believe it was my mother's fault 

[SnT]

@AwkwarDerpwow that is so dramatic. But i totally can believe it. I still hv a workmate her first children are gals n she was stressed up to hv boys. Her husband younger brother hv 2 boys d. So the son of elder son concept is alive in year 2010ish... She was like what if i hv another gal. I always say to comfort her give me then... I love another daughter. In fact it happen to my 2 workmates. I had a uni mate. She have 4 girls. N end up hubby had an affair n in laws not happy w her. They finally divorce after the girls are much older. We r Malaysian chinese n we speak Chinese and/or chinese dialect at home. But mostly malay/English educated n yet this sort of mother in laws n family system are still in function today. My mum also  hope my sister in law will hv a boy first then later girl.

 

By the way my great grandma was a child bride, married as a child to another young boy to look after him like a nanny. N great grear grandma has a 3 inch feet. Bounded feet. 

Edited March 26, 2021 by SnT

[OsmanthusTea]

 

HouYe’s new robe....🤪🤣

[40somethingahjumma]

Yum... I love a good contract marriage. And so far it's a good show overall. 

 

I really enjoyed Episode 6 and I teared up at Yuanniang's passing because all she really wanted was to do right by everyone especially her son. It's a complex situation and even with all the scheming that transpired there was some feeling there between husband and wife. Clearly the lot of the women in those days aren't enviable but you know looking at how things are for Lingyi, it wasn't that great for the men either. I don't really take sides in this except for my general distaste for Erniang. She took a huge gamble, thinking she got away with things and got her comeuppance.

 

What I like most about the show is its sophisticated take on human beings and how they navigate the complexity of their particular context. Lingyi, for instance might have many wives but he takes no pleasure in his home life because even though they don't realise it, he knows that they're scrambling for status by winning favours. At work he's the idealist up against ambitious officials who aren't putting the welfare of the people at the top of their agenda. His life is really hard. The harem aren't interested in alleviating his concerns. It's politics at the palace, it's politics at home. It's enough to make a man mad.

 

It's a lot of fun watching the women clamour for attention and favour. I get a good chuckle watching all the oneupmanship. 

 

[SnT]

@40somethingahjumma i really love the showdowns of all his concubines including yuanniang lsst moments n tong last moment as descibed ny amber. It shows us that they r all pitiful, how they all hv some heart desire but none r treated like a propee person. All took it upon themselves to solve their own prob n find their heart desire. N he finallly understood all of them but it is too late. They either died or make mistakes so grave that there is no return. That music when he spoke to qiao n qin, was so appropriate n grave. Very nice. 

[Toby]

12 hours ago, Funnypeopleswim said:

 

I thought this the first time through (without subs) but Houye must really love Shiyi. Because he is a great husband to her.

 

However, he's not a great husband to the other women. I think he is both the cause and the result of why other wives/concubines are so cunning.  First of all he listens to his mom too much. Because he's a proud, nobleman who puts duty above all he's never been motivated to go against her. I think trying to rebuild the Xu family and protect the people, essentially made him an absent, apathetic husband. Whatever affection he may have felt for his first wife, died when her ambition exceed his need for a peaceful home life. 

 

I can understand him wanting a peaceful home life but its insensitive to the real concerns of his wives. They want to protect their positions, and the positions of their children, and he just thought of it as a headache. From a romantic perspective we all like that he's not interested in his concubines, but it reality his neglect makes them feel like they are failing their duties, and causes them to hate Shiyi more.

 

I really thought he was cold to Concubine Qin about the loss of her child. The coldness, can be a poison to a barren wife. And when he didn't let her adopt the thrid child, because of her lack of education, he really pushed her over the edge.

 

You see later he also pushes Wen too far by sending their son away. 

 

Meanwhile you see how often Houye is willing to protect and cater to Shiyi. While all the other women are trying their best to please him. His works hard to please Shiyi.

 

If I was the other women I would probably get mad too. All this is to say I can see why the women are the way they are. 

 

 

 

 And when he didn't let her adopt the thrid child, because of her lack of education, he really pushed her over the edge.-->Yap,that totally stunned me out when Houye said that,i was surprised by that too.at 1 point i try to understand that Houye married concubines and wife for duty as head of family but his neglect to the rest of them kind of sad. maybe because of I am a woman so I am bias a bit.But i think shinyi the only person that give butterfly in the stomach kind of feeling to him which i think the very first time he was having that feel.

Edited March 27, 2021 by Toby

[Toby]

10 hours ago, SnT said:

Now we r talking about fathers. How interesting!!! Actually houye wasnt projected as a good father at all to me. Way too strict w chunge n way too u concerning w yuge. Qin lost her baby, he tell her to get on w it. But i m not surprised esp he is traditional noble men. Kids are job of nanny n mother. Women stuffs. 

 

My dad is a very traditional man like what some of u mentioned. What is traditional??? ... He is very good at handking the outside world creating a shield for us. Meaning his business, work, protection to us. He is responsible man. He takes all the stress n hardship of providing for us. Like houye in the show. Mum had to quit her job when she marry him n had us. He wanted a full time wife!!! Take care of household, kids to the tilt. He wanted 3 meals homecook, clean squeaky home n healthy, well brought up kids. He says so loud n clear... Women need to look sfter home, a woman can cook is like a shock to him haha... So my mum was the cook, baker chauffeur to us, carer cum wife n mother. I remembered when he bring us to holiday, my mum need to pack for 5 of us, she need to mstch his clothing from shirt to shoes. Amazing right. She shops for him till now n on any official trips or event she mstch n  lay down what to wear for him. So he just dress up n wait at the door impatiently sometimes and ask why mum is taking so long..uh huh... It may sound like he just need a maid cum nanny. But we know that it is not true.

 

He gives my mum a worry free life till sometimes we get annoyed at her innocence n ignorance.  Haha...everything he owns he put a name of 50% for my mum. So my mum basicalky hv zero savings because whatever he gives her, she end up spending it showing how carefree she is. Traditional man way of showing love is be responsible to ur family n protect them.. N it is true he hardly have time. Much like inner courtyard women, outside mem world system. Btw he is so good to my grandma too till her passing. He never say no to her. N he was good to my mum family too. Everytime her siblings had any issues they will come n talk to him. He still gives my maternal grandma pocket money. 

 

We love our dad. He loves us to bits. He shows his emotion more as he ages. Oh boy!! in his younger days, none of us dare to cross him. His angry face is very very scary. If he get riled up, we all know thats it.  We r in big big trouble.. But i still remember when i was hospitalised because of diarrhea, he end up holding my hand n tell me not to be scare w tears in his eyes. N his fear was so blatant when i had to give birth prematurely. My daughter is like a pearl in his hand, totally spoilt rotten. now that he is much older n much more freely showing his emotion to us. 

 

But this type of man can be harsher on boys. There is a saying raise ur daughter like a princess but raise ur son like a pauper. Thats my dad.  Haha... But when they get to old age they want to stay w son, not daughter. Haha... Because to them thats the way it should be. To me is why cant u stay w me. I would love to hv u. Go figure right. I guess this type is language of love is just pure about doing tasks.. No sweet words, buy gifts, spend time.. But whichever type, a good heart is a must. With a good heart, we hv to accept no one is perfect. We cant hv everything.

 

 

 No sweet words, buy gifts, spend time.. But whichever type, a good heart is a must. With a good heart, we hv to accept no one is perfect. We cant hv everything.-->

I love how u put it in a way.Maybe because of our folks been raised in traditional way in such a golden century since 30s so most (not all) of our parent behave almost in traditional of way toward his family.My aunty grandchild even can stop crying or cringing with my dad simple caugh.when i was in elementary school,one of my friend use to turn back home from meet with me when she only heard my dad voice talking to in the house.maybe because my dad carry typical dad of face and act (but actually he is the best).hahah.there was a saying 'father is daughter first love'

 

11 hours ago, AwkwarDerp said:

My parent keep telling people that “you know when she was pregnant with her (me) we all thought it was gonna be a boy” sorry to disappoint you guys since birth 

Oh my....what a faith of story.My dad even think a boy name upfront when my mom pregnant with me because he thought it will be a hero but umphh heroin the one that was born.i hv 4 sisters before me so i can understand his expectation because my sisters said that i was an accident.hahaha. (the ink had dried)

Edited March 27, 2021 by Toby

[Toby]

4 hours ago, 40somethingahjumma said:

Yum... I love a good contract marriage. And so far it's a good show overall. 

 

I really enjoyed Episode 6 and I teared up at Yuanniang's passing because all she really wanted was to do right by everyone especially her son. It's a complex situation and even with all the scheming that transpired there was some feeling there between husband and wife. Clearly the lot of the women in those days aren't enviable but you know looking at how things are for Lingyi, it wasn't that great for the men either. I don't really take sides in this except for my general distaste for Erniang. She took a huge gamble, thinking she got away with things and got her comeuppance.

 

What I like most about the show is its sophisticated take on human beings and how they navigate the complexity of their particular context. Lingyi, for instance might have many wives but he takes no pleasure in his home life because even though they don't realise it, he knows that they're scrambling for status by winning favours. At work he's the idealist up against ambitious officials who aren't putting the welfare of the people at the top of their agenda. His life is really hard. The harem aren't interested in alleviating his concerns. It's politics at the palace, it's politics at home. It's enough to make a man mad.

 

It's a lot of fun watching the women clamour for attention and favour. I get a good chuckle watching all the oneupmanship. 

 

 

I love a good contract marriage. And so far it's a good show overall

--> me too. i love an idea of slow burn, give time and give space to know each other and their courtship.call me a old fashion of lady.hahaha.

 

His life is really hard. The harem aren't interested in alleviating his concerns. It's politics at the palace, it's politics at home. It's enough to make a man mad.

--> That was why he was a bit surprise when shinyi shows some concern toward him on ep 9.For the very frist time someone is showing interest to know his feeling

[AwkwarDerp]

52 minutes ago, Toby said:

 

Oh my....what a faith of story.My dad even think a boy name upfront when my mom pregnant with me because he thought it will be a hero but umphh heroin the one that was born.i hv 4 sisters before me so i can understand his expectation because my sisters said that i was an accident.hahaha. (the ink had dried)

I was the second child so they can’t be expecting much but look what heaven give them, 4 girls 

Haven**

Ignored that, I suddenly forgot how to spell 

[OsmanthusTea]

Purple robe.....🥰🥰

 

 

Blue robe...🥰🥰

[NiteWalker]

1 hour ago, OsmanthusTea said:

Purple robe.....🥰🥰

 

looks like blue grayish to me instead

 

13 hours ago, AwkwarDerp said:

My parent keep telling people that “you know when she was pregnant with her (me) we all thought it was gonna be a boy” sorry to disappoint you guys since birth 

 

i know how that feels....i was the first born....and being a girl...my grandparents dont really favor me....

 

my mom was disappointed...i grew up trying to be the boy she wanted...unfortunately there are things in me that cant be change biologically hahahaha...

 

luckily my dad love me as a princess lols...however still the hurt is there in a sense i think....over times as i grow up...i came to understand where she is standing and why she was that way with me when i was young....now....she is happily living with me hehehe

[40somethingahjumma]

It's very addictive and the build up of the romance is so good! Shiyi is doing even better than she was tasked to do. Heh. Lingyi is falling for her without her trying all that hard. LOL. Nice touch by the writer. With so many women clamouring and trying desperately to win the Marquis' favour, his soul-mate is the one who really doesn't care to play the game. She's got some other agenda going.

 

Last week I saw a local stage production of Oscar Wilde's An ideal Husband. This show for some reason makes me think of the play. I don't think the drama does anything really original... it draws on all kinds of well-worn literary tropes but it does it quite well. What surprised me... what I wasn't expecting was how much this is about marriage, expectations, family dynamics. I had my eye on this for a while because of the leads but seeing how popular it is, I thought there must be something to it. 

 

I suppose Lingyi is perceived to be the ideal husband because he represents status, prominence, charisma and accomplishment in that world. On the surface he has it all which makes him a potentially good match and desirable. From where I'm looking however he's only an ideal husband (whatever that means) to one woman. To his concubines who are kept at bay, he's a closed book because there is no trust. I guess for at least two of them, he's a prize that has to be claimed. And for some reason there a sense of entitlement about who he rightfully belongs to regardless of what the man thinks. There's nothing new here in that regard where a harem is involved but the man at the centre of it struggles in distaste to maintain harmony in his household because he hates the games he's forced to be a part of as it goes against his core principles. He can't pretend he doesn't know what's going on or accepts things as they are so he withdraws emotionally.

 

But when a woman that enters his household is seemingly disinterested in the games, he responds to that. She, is the ideal wife. The wife that even he never knew he wanted. Everything she does piques his interest because refreshingly, there's no hidden agenda to grab his favour. It becomes evident like Pollyanna, like Anne Shirley, her entry into the Xu family mansion is arguably the best thing that's ever happened to that tribe. Gradually the game takes a different form and it's a game that Lingyi feels at liberty to be a part of because it doesn't make him feel like a worm. Xu Lingyi can be free to be himself and to be the kind of husband, he has (unconsciously) always wanted to be. Nobody likes to be manipulated or trapped into something. Especially a man with integrity. But they are more likely to be willing if they can be persuaded with sincerity of the benefits.

 

Still I could be wrong. I've only watched 20 episodes so far. But as I said, it's addictive.

 

 

 

 

[NiteWalker]

5 minutes ago, 40somethingahjumma said:

Everything she does piques his interest because refreshingly, there's no hidden agenda to grab his favour.

 

i read to this and its remind me of Dr. Shao and what he told YanShan hahaha...

 

sorry however it does click in between our dear Mika and ShiYi....

 

both women did things out of the heart and not because they had something up their sleeves

[abs-oluteM]

I am watching eps 31 to 33 - main plot filled with Er-niang issues that brought much trouble to ShiYi. Erniang , foolish as usual , was used by the Young Madam Ou who wanted to ultimately harm the Xu family in particular to push LingYi to a corner.  The set up of the murder of Er-niang's husband was done with much intricacy but it was ultimately to create a fallout between LingYi and Duke Wei. This would spell disaster for Ling Yi who was still trying to garner support from those of influence (such as Duke Wei ) in order to propose to the King ( and convince him ) of the need to lift the sea ban. It was fortunate that ShiYi understood her husband's predicament and was smart in how she handled it. Of course, we can always trust our LingYi to get to the bottom of things and find out what truly happened. Though it seems that Er-niang's problems are solved, it doesn't seem like she is anymore grateful. I suppose a leopard never changes its spots. 

 

I wasn't paying much attention to the sea ban issue before but I did these episodes.  It makes more sense to me now why LingYi has put much effort over time to find support to get rid of it. This was a politically sensitive issue rooted in tradition. While on surface was argued as a means to protect the borders, it was also the very reason that resulted in hardship for the common folks. The few who benefited from it - the noble families - would defend the ban in order to have continued monopoly over trade. They argue that removal of the sea ban would give the pirates more leeway to attack ships using the route. Nevertheless , as Ou Yang has pointed out, piracy is a result of people's desperation to survive. The ban prevented free trade & limited income generating opportunities causing people to turn to looting at the seas as a means to make a living. 

 

With regards to the romance, perhaps I am slightly sadistic . I somewhat enjoyed  LingYi pushing her away . Of course I wouldn't want this to go on forever but it was nice to see her trying to win his heart, and him being very cool about it all.  Wallace was really good in those moments where he clearly wanted to be with her but yet restrained himself. ( and goodness I somewhat melt each time he looks at her ) .  While ShiYi continues to do all she can to show her gratefulness and to regain his trust, our dear conflicted Hou Ye was really just craving for her love. He wasn't concern about what she did or didn't because what he wanted to know was whether he meant anything to her. Yes, the man is clearly in love ( possibly for the very 1st time) and wants to be genuinely loved back in return!